What Can a Man Do?

I want to answer some of the common questions that men have when they are faced with the possibility of learning to discipline their wives. This might come up because their wives ask them for a spanking, or it might come up because he learned about spanking online and is considering its use. While many people portray wife spanking as simply a man’s idea, it is often the man who is hesitant or very resistant to spank. Often it is the wife who suggests the idea. I find it can take time for a man to grasp the value in spanking or see it clearly. That’s true of my own story as well. I was eager to use it when a woman introduced it to me, it took me years to see its full purpose, and to rightly apply it. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get it immediately. No one does.

For a man to see spanking clearly for what it is worth can take asking questions, reading on the subject, and digesting the material before he can see both its good and how he could apply it in his marriage. I am confident that most men, given the chance, will at least be open-minded about it, and willing to give it a try. In fact, in the year of running this spanking website, I have learned of several men who brought spanking into their marriage, including those who were initially hesitant. That is encouraging to me, and it should be encouraging to readers who who are hopeful about practicing it. It is a concept nearly any man can understand. Let me address what are a few of the most common male questions, and see if I can set things straight.

1–Why should I spank my wife like a child
Your wife is surely not a child, but you will be spanking her as an adult. Adults get spanked as well as children. The spanking of wives has been practiced in numerous cultures across the globe for thousands of years. Corporal punishment has also been used to punish adult criminals, and in some places in the world still is. The Bible requires flogging as a form of punishment for certain crimes, and permits whipping an adult servant or slave. Spankings have been given to adults for millennia, with wife spanking being much milder than what has been used to punish criminals. Those who practice it today would affirm it works well on their adult woman, whom they love and cherish.

That’s not to say the connection with childhood spanking is non-existent. Rather, that connection most of us have towards childhood spanking can help a woman learn from her adult spanking. The situation itself can bring her to a humbler state, like a child, and more greatly experience her man’s fatherly command over her. The vital link is real, and I view it as an aid in the spanking itself. She becomes more soft and vulnerable because she can feel that.

The abundance of rebellious women is real, and is a problem in many marriages. The same is true of passive men, who will not lead clearly and manage their wives. The amount of grief, pain, divorce, and harm to children done by out-of-order marriages is truly incalculable. That alone is more than reason enough to spank your wife, along with your daily care of her. Not only will you be rewarded, but she will too. A peaceful godly home is a reward to all of society. You will see our wife soften, become more beautiful, and respond smoothly to your word. The world will be able to see the difference.

2–Can’t she learn some other way
I don’t think it is impossible for a wife to learn lessons any other way, depending the lesson. I AM convinced that spanking is often the best way for her to learn, in terms of its short-term and long-term effects. In certain instances, spanking may be the ONLY way he learns a lesson. While it’s possible to have another discipline system to lead and correct your wife, as I have written in several articles, I find they are inferior to spanking her. Spanking ends a conflict very quickly. It puts her wrong in the past very quickly. It cleanses her of guilt successfully, often which has been eating away at her. It places her in a spirit of peace regarding her husband, and makes her more soft toward him ongoing into the future. In general, it leaves her more fully submissive, and reminds her of her submission in times to come.

As a deterrent for certain activity it also has effects into the future, warning her of not stepping over that line, or acting on that temptation, when the same situation arises. She will remember the spanking, and the seriousness of the wrong. If you’ve been spanking her hard, that will be an experience he desires to avoid, and she will take active steps to keep herself in line. I’ve seen it work as have many other husbands. Spanking also makes her more manageable to your words, as you can now, as they say, speak softly and carry a big stick. Your words or instruction and correction have more weight with your wife when she is spanked firmly for her wrongs.

Can she learn a few things in other ways? Certainly. A verbal correction can help a wife, if she is humble enough to accept it. Gentler forms of discipline are also used by some husbands, such as taking away the car keys, or having her write lines. I blend gentle correction and spanking together in my own system. However, none of those methods accomplish what consistent spanking accomplishes. It is fast, effective, and works both on her attitude and her behavior into the future, and makes your words carry more weight. That’s why I advise spanking, and use it myself. Some lessons truly are easier to learn when she is spanked hard over your knee.

3–Isn’t it abuse if I lay a finger on my wife
No it is not. The contemporary culture will lay this accusation on men for countless reason,s even beyond spanking. They will accuse a man who has rules for his wife of being abusive, even though he has every right as the authority to have rules. They will accuse a man who speaks firmly to his wife, or sometimes gets angry of being abusive. But speaking firmly is not a sin, and everyone on the planet sometimes gets angry. Having a discipline system is not abuse, any more than the country having a justice system is abuse. It is caring, thoughtful punishment for the good of the wife and of the entire home.

All things considered, spanking is fairly humane when it comes to punishments. Sure it hurts in the moment, but the pain is over quickly, leaving at worst a day or so of soreness. Then the bottom returns to its norm. It also works well and produces results. If we were to lay the accusation of abuse on a punishment, we would have to do it towards a parents spanking their child as well. We could much more accuse other punishments of being harsher, such as prison sentences, or the loss of a job. Ask a lot of employees if they’ rather get a good spanking or lose their job, I can tell you how a lot of them would vote. Spanking is kinder, and has fewer negative consequences than many punishments that society accepts as good. It seems strange then to call it abuse, and not have to all everything else abuse too.


However, due to society’s condemnation of spanking, it is important that you are careful in establishing discipline in your marriage. While I am convinced that the only consent needed for a man to spank his wife is her “I do” in the wedding ceremony, it is safer to introduce the practice and receive consent for it. True, this verbal consent to the relationship would not always stand up in court, but it may, and it is extremely rare that men are punished for spanking their wives in consensual relationships. I would not worry about it if I were you. Just make sure there is clarity and agreement from the start. You are not an abuser. That is name calling. You are a loving husband who leads, corrects, and spanks his wife.

4–I’m afraid of hurting her or making her cry

Truly it will be impossible to discipline your wife — with spanking or even other methods — if you are unwilling to cause some amount of pain or to see her cry. These are things that typically come along with a punishment. That’s true especially of spanking. A spanking done rightly hurts, and most of the time a wife cries when she is being spanked. Sometimes she cries even when she is being lectured.

To get past any hesitancy of causing this, you should see the value that is there in that temporary pain. The value is the effect of the punishment, which will put wrongs right and get her to behave better in the future. The value is in her growth in submission and as a woman, as she learns to be soft to you, and obey you without resistance. Her tears are also something you need to become accustomed to. They are not bad things, but are good for her to experience, They often help a woman communicate her regret, and her sorrow for what she did. They help cleans her of tension, inner resistance, and guilt. Her tears flowing show you’re probably doing a good job.

The pain of a spanking is very short term, as are the tears. However, the hurt of a rebellious wife, and of her bad behavior can cause much more pain far into the future. There is harm caused by a wife’s disrespect, her disobedience, her fighting with her man, her negligence of her work, her bad habits or dangerous behavior, her desire to imitate men in her attitude or lifestyle, and many other wrongs. These are not minor errors, but are harmful or evil things a man should protect his wife from, and turn her away from towards safety. The harm caused by them goes far into the future, effecting a marriage long-term and affecting the children.

Consider it your job to keep her clean of these things, and apply a short-term pain to protect against much greater evils. We go to a doctor for healing, and in some instances he causes us pain to make us better. Yet we know this pain is good, and thank God for the purpose he has ordained it. So too we can see the great treasure and value in discipline, despite the suffering at the time. There is a reason for the ordeal, and it is for the glorious good.

5–It’s hard to find the time to spank, it’s too much trouble

Leading your wife in discipline does take time. However, when done rightly, it will not interfere with other important activities. In  fact, considering the number of men who have time for leisure in their lives, and who sit down in front of a television in the evenings, I think most people only need to cut away some of that fat to purpose a little time to correct their wives. It only requires some minor rearranging.

Naturally, the time it takes to lead a wife is not only in giving the spanking, but will include having oversight of her, setting some standards for her to follower, and letting her know what she needs to do. It includes encouraging her and giving her verbal guidance of all kinds. The spanking itself should not need to be very often, although a new wife, or a prideful one, may need frequent spankings for a few months, or the first year. Even then , I don’t see it being too inconvenient, as a spanking is not that long. It will not take you all evening.

The common spanking I give includes a short lecture, then I spank her over my knee with further verbal instructions for her. The spanking itself takes only a few minutes. After she is spanked, she usually gets some time standing in the corner, then I have a short talk with her about the lesson learned, and we are close for a little while. A longer spanking session would still be under an hour. The shorter ones would be under 30 minutes. Even early in our marriage when I spanked her probably every two weeks, it hardly took over our lives. It is simply an important activity you need to work into your schedule, and with some basic planning anyone can do it.

6–My wife is independent, and would never learn from a spanking
You hear the word “independent” used today in a way that seems to mean rebellious, or simply disobedient to her husband. I don’t think it’s the best word, but we can use it. If your wife is independent in this way, that is a sign that you should start with doing some clear leading, and making sure she is prepared to follow you. Independence comes down both to ideology and personality, and she should know that as your wife she is under your authority, and needs to submit to your will. That is at the core of the issue.  You need to make sure to teach her this, and give her clear instructions on what you expect from her. Ideally, that is something you should have expressed, and she should have accepted before marriage, but many husbands manage to make that change in the marriage itself. Let her know you are the one in charge. You expect her to follow.


Many women who have the independent personality, and who would be viewed by the outside world as bold and assertive, actually come to desire, or at least expect a spanking. Despite their exterior, they love the power of a man, and feel excitement to know he is over her, and also peace to know she is protected by her man. Don’t assume the independent career woman will be against being commanded by you, or being spanked. Often, they are the ones looking for it. Other times, they recognize the problems their personality can bring, and the friction that their ego creates, and long to be rid of it. They learn to accept it when their man takes charge of them, because inside they want to let go of act. They want to drop the loud and proud posturing. Leadership causes a woman more anxiety and danger than a man, which is why the man is more cut out for it, and why so many women feel peace being firmly led by their husband. She experiences more anxiety in aggression and in conflict. She longs to be soft and feminine inside. Don’t be surprised if your independent wife is desiring  you to possess her fully, command her what to do, and punish her over your knee when she’s bad. Just remember that it’s about more than a spanking. It’s about your good, loving leadership over her. You treasure her and cherish her, and are also her rock and her strength. You can put her over your knee and give her the spanking she deserves.

An independent woman needs that. Even if it takes her time to let go of some previous attitudes, or her rebellious streak, it will come with time and with your consistent, firm leadership. Take it step by step. She has got to transform. Old habits and attitudes drop off. False conceptions about herself fade away. As the new, submissive heart grows inside her, she has a different vision of her self now. A new beauty will come to her. Often it is the independent woman who needs your strength in her life the most.

7– Is this just a sex game, or something couples do as foreplay.
I can understand why you might get that idea. There is naturally something sexual about a spanking, just as there is naturally something forceful about sex. However, wife spanking is a way to discipline wives, not a way to make love to them. It’s part of a discipline system, in which a man leads, instructs, corrects, and punishes his wife. It ensures that her bad behavior is punished, and she has a deterrent into the future.

Most spanked wives do not look forward to being given a punishment spanking, for the shame of letting their husband down, for the humbling, and the pain of the spanking itself. They frequently cry. Sometimes they try to talk their way out of what’s coming A spanking is something to stay away from. Sex is not. It’s to look forward to.

However, being husband and wife, it is common for sex to follow a spanking, both as a form of reconnecting from the hard experience, or as a way for a wife to sexually serve her husband, and show her submission. The clear link is there between spanking and erotic desire, but they are in different territories.

8–My wife wants me to spank her. But why would anyone WANT to experience pain?
I wouldn’t get hung up on the question of pain. That’s most likely not at the forefront of her mind, or of her interest in being spanked. Most often, the reason a woman requests spanking is because of other facets of it: the need to feel your firm leadership in her life, the need to be corrected from behavior that she knows is very bad for her, the need to be cleansed of the guilt she feels deep down about her rebellious behavior and wrong choices, the opportunity to feel soft and feminine deep in her soul, the powerful intimacy involved in being humbled and spanked. I don’t think the pain is a major attraction for most women, although it might carry a certain sense of excitement or danger with it. The pain is simply one way the spanking gets its job done. It is supposed to hurt and is most effective when it does.

Many women who know they need spanking, or who privately yearn for it, still experience some fear of the pain itself, and do not look forward to experiencing it. A pro-spanking lady might even need some coaxing to get over your knee. She may reach back to instinctively stop the blows. The spanking is not easy to experience. Pain is attractive to very few people. Your wife simply understands all the other benefits that come with her discipline, and she wants them in your lives. To get them, she has to accept the pain.

Published by aronhusband

I am a happily married man from the U.S. who's been blessed with five children. I write about marital discipline in a Christian home at my website spankingyourwife.wordpress.com. It contains articles on spanking in marriage, as well as advice on leading the home. I offer personal advice and mentorship in marriage to men or women who contact me. I long to see more and better marriages, in my country and the world.

14 thoughts on “What Can a Man Do?

  1. See my earlier comment, I wrote “disciplining” but the phone changed the word to “disappointing” which changes the whole context of the sentence. If you can edit that would be awesome.

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  2. My husband and I are new at this and he has had a few questions.

    1) I told my husband the other day that I’m grateful that he is disciplining me. I told him I would not want to have to bear the burden of trying to learn to honor and obey him and submit to him without his discipline being part of the package. That it somehow makes learning to submit much more satisfying and complete. I struggled to explain this to him because he then replied, “does this mean you only obey me because you are being coerced to?” I know I am called to obey him whether he spanks me or not, but knowing that he will bring solid consequences definitely not only feels fulfilling to me, but helps me obey. But I didn’t know how to explain this so I thought I would ask how you would answer my husband as one brother to another?

    2) my husband also struggles with disciplining me for things that seem to serve him… Like he doesn’t want to be Petty and discipline me out of his own ego if I disrespect him, or if I make his life inconvenient or uncomfortable with disrespect or disobedience, he doesn’t like feeling like he might be disappointing me for his own reasons, like hitting me out of selfishness. This concern is making it a bit of a struggle for him to enforce our rules if I break them. I thought you may have some thoughts to share on that as well.

    3) my husband has found himself tempted to “get off on” disciplining me while he is doing it and has taken a break to collect himself to make sure that is not happening. My sense is that it is quite natural for a man to be aroused or in some sense enjoy taking authority over his wife’s bottom, and that this doesn’t mean he’s some sort of cruel person. I was wondering if you might be able to comment on this as well.

    Thanks so much Aron

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    1. Hello Taken in Hand, Thanks for sharing the questions. It always takes some time to learn, and to comprehend your roles better, and discipline better. If your husband would like, it may be better that he contact me personally about a variety of his concerns.

      As far as the first question, spanking is not there to stand alone as a motivation, or to be practiced apart from the whole of the marital relationship. It is simply a tool a man can use to correct his wife’s bad behavior or attitude. It’s not the only method. She has internal motivations as well. But spanking helps.

      It also deepens the roles which man and wife have, those of leader and helper. Spanking can instill deeply in a wife that she is to be submissive, and respect her husband. It speaks to her soul, as I’d put it, saying some things that words cannot. A woman knows profoundly that she belongs to her man, is subject to him, and is under his power. It will stay with her and guide her, and I’d even say, encourage her to experience those other kinds of motivation, which also lie within. It can awaken the inner desire.

      A husband should not think that spanking for disrespect is somehow being selfish. He simply needs to make sure he is spanking for real infractions, and not out of anger, or personal dislike of something. It would be a false humility to think a disrespect of a husband’s position, or a disregard of his instructions, is not a real wrong. The husband is valuable, and his role is essential to the home. It is wrong for a wife to disrespect or dismiss his words, not just because he may not personally like it. It’s wrong because she is bound to submit to him and revere him, and the order of the home is damaged if she is disdainful of her husband. It is also a dark spot on her character, and it is a husband’s responsibility to wash her clean, and correct these things. He must be working for the good of her character. It’s not all about his ego.

      There’s nothing wrong with finding sexual excitement in a spanking. It is very common, and nearly any man finds it exciting to spank his wife, even simply to see her undress and kneel before him. Many women also find it sexual, though perhaps not during the spanking itself. The only point to watch is that its purpose is discipline, and he is justly punishing a real wrong. It’s goal is not to meet sexual desires. However, sexual desires may naturally flow from it. For most they are truly inseparable.

      I know that’s very brief, but I hope you can understand it, and that it’s valuable to his understanding. Blessings to you both.

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  3. I have never met a wife who wasn’t spanked that seemed to me to not lack respect for husband. In many cases I have observed a dynamic where the wife openly acted as if she wore the pants in the family , even in Christian homes. My dad struggled with my Mom’s behavior. She professed to be a obedient Christian wife, that’s how she was brought up , but often her actions and words didn’t support this assertion. When my dad learned that I spanked Jane he was very interested. He wanted to know exactly how she was corrected and what things she was spanked for. He never told me that spanking Jane was wrong he accepted that I had a right to do this. I think he would have spanked my Mom if he thought it wouldn’t cause him to get in trouble, but he could never bring himself to correct her. My own opinion is that had he taken her in hand the results would have surprised him and he would have found his fears misplaced. I had the impression that my Grandfather had spanked my Mom before her marriage , she grew up in a strict home environment. I can remember my grandmother on my mother’s side outside cutting some branches. she was startled when she saw me I asked her what she was doing , she said was doing nothing, she was very embarrassed. At the time I thought this strange but I didn’t understand what might have been happening then. Now I understand. This is why I think every Christian marriage should involve a first spanking for the young bride on her wedding night. Had I done this with Jane I think a lot of grief would have been avoided early in our marriage. All our Daughters were thought to accept punishment from their husbands. Every one of our daughters walked down the aisle well spanked as a reminder of their need to be obedient and submissive. We also were very selective over who might marry our daughters he had to be someone we thought who would use his authority responsibly and with the well being of our daughters in mind. We have only one son in law that seems a bit too quick to use the strap, but of course he has the authority to punish our daughter as sees fit. He is not overly harsh in his spankings but he has a low bar for when he thinks correction is needed. She knows she must obediently accept her correction. I think he will mellow as he gets older.

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  4. I have a very loving husband who does spank me. He is not consistent though and while he completely sees the benefits in spanking and leading, he still doesn’t quite understand the emotional and mental aspects of what spanking does to help me be a more submissive wife, I introduced the lifestyle to him a few years before we were married. This is our second marriage and he had a very dominant, narcistic first wife. He was reactionary and defensive. I am a business owner and have a very take charge, get it done personality, but do respect my husband as HOH. I need to be spanked. It helps me It helps him. Our marriage is better for it! He is consistent with punishment spankings, which I get every few months but I need longer, dominant spankings with verbal reminders that give me emotional release from stress and helps me be more submissive, much more often. I find myself almost resenting short spankings or the lack of spankings and get frustrated. I have talked to him but I have not been able to get through apparently and dont want to keep talking about it and have him think this is a fetish or something.

    Thank you!

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    1. Hi Kris, It can take a lot of patience before a man learns to handle discipline thoroughly. Moreover, as you know, if he keeps hearing about it, he may get bothered by the complaint, and feel pushed. There is definitely a time to sit back, work on your submission, and let him grow as he intends to grow.

      I understand how deeply a thorough spanking and lecture can reach a woman, and it is natural to want more. There are many women who feel similarly, that they are not spanked fully enough or instructed firmly enough during a session. Clear verbal instruction and correction is important even outside of discipline sessions.

      However, it does not come naturally for everyone. Usually, men need to get over some hurdles, often mental obstacles which prevent them from using a firmer hand. It’s not something that happens automatically, especially if they are learned attitudes over years. However,, I know your example of submission will mean a lot to him, and may encourage him silently in that direction.

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  5. Aron, this article is another spot on one, the answers are very clear and precise.

    In my case I was the one to introduce spanking and overall discipline later on in my marriage and even though the road is bumpy I have no regrets.

    My wife is an independent woman, has always been and that shell of pride is hard to break through, I had never realized how much she held onto before I started discipline. As far as being independent goes the worst I would say is the financial independence since at any moment arguments can come down to money, other than that everything else is, as you described, a way to disguise rebelliousness.

    She doesn’t seem to be one to desire being overpowered or ruled, which is unbecoming but understandable and she has come to hate spankings in the time we’ve been practicing discipline but that I don’t think is a problem since spankings are not to be appreciated but rather feared.

    There’s still a great deal to work through with her, maybe it will take years but she’ll learn and her womanly beauty will flourish.

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    1. Thank you Sergeant. I’d like to see more men take charge as you do. Even if a woman doesn’t crave being overpowered as some do, they can still benefit greatly from spanking, as you can see. It teaches them better than words can do of their submission, and it provides a strong deterrent against bad behavior.

      Financial arguments can definitely reflect rebelliousness by a wife. It’s another area where she needs to shed that illusion of autonomy and come under your authority. It will require a humble heart and trust.

      Yes, I am confident she will learn in the future. God be with you.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Sargent,
      I wanted my husband to spank me ever since he spanked me once years ago of me sassing him. After that day he never spanked me again up until recently. I asked him to please spank me that I need him to discipline me. At first he said No, that we are equals. In my mind I was like, No we aren’t…the Bible clearly states that men are the authority in the home and the woman is to obey God and her husband in all things. So now I am calmer& happier than I have been in years and its all because my husband is allowing me to be submissive to him alway’s and when I get outside of the rails be pulls hus belt off and spanks me so hard that it leaves welts and sometimes bruises in my bare bottom. He is very strict in me and doesn’t put up with any disrespect or lying, and even though the spankings hurt and I cry and even get out of position which he hates, its hard though for me to not move around and its hard for me to not want to put my hands back there when I am really feeling the pain of the belt on my bare flesh… I remind myself while I am getting whipped that I wanted him to discipline me, not the other way around. So even though I wanted him to spank me, it still hurts too. But, I am learning good valuable lessons from all of this, too. I feel calmer, more at peace and now I don’t have to live with the guilt of my wrong- doings because now my husband will give me what I need to get rid of the bad choices that I made. I pray your wife, Sargent will learn to soften to your lead. Being submissive is a beautiful, godly thing in a marriage. I have more love & respect now for my husband, all resentment that I used to have for him is gone, its been washed away. And now my husband loves the new me and he knows its all because he chose to spank me on a regular basis and make me a better wife. I am still not where I need to be totally but I am getting there one spanking at a time. The only thing I want to see change in is him not spank me when he is angry, but I can’t tell him what to do, that isn’t my job. Good luck with your beloved wife she will get there one spanking at a time, I promise you that. Wives all learn from our mistakes, and we all want to please our husbands so Ya’ll will be proud to come home to a happy, more peaceful home and an obedient wife.

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      1. Thank you iamhissubmissive60,

        Yes you are right, this is surely a step by step process that needs to be built over time and into the core of a woman, sometimes I think it is in the core of a female to be rebellious and defiant and our job as men, fathers and husbands is to free our wives and possible daughters from those and lead them into grace, which is also in their core, it just needs to be worked through, as Aron says in the article, some may crave it as you did and some may not, but all women benefit of a well structured discipline system.

        I have gratitude for your prayers and send my best wishes to you and your husband in your journey as well.

        Liked by 2 people

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