Managing Your Discipline Session

Spanking is not the only thing that needs to be firm when guiding your wife. Spanking is the first thing people think of, and it is the act that mostly makes up the punishment, but a husband’s guidance, both during a punishment and in daily instruction, needs to be both firm and clear. A weak command with your voice, and unclear instructions leave a woman wondering who is in charge. Even with a spanking present, she may not know your displeasure or the direction you desire her to go, if your words don’t express these important facets. Make sure your leadership and correction is managed strongly with the depth of your words.

If you are in charge she will know she cannot talk you out of it, or try to act like it was nothing. Do not relent if she tries to get out of her coming punishment. Recall the seriousness of her wrong as well. The fact she disappointed you or offended you should be very clear to her as she is bare before you being lectured. The harm and danger of her act should be on her mind. She should have heard your complete lack of acceptance of that behavior, and the fact she is well outside the line. The reason has been instilled on her soul, and the seriousness as well. She knows that when she’s bent over and being strapped.

That is not to say you should be yelling or out of control. Of course, the proper conduct while disciplining your wife, as with giving her instructions or verbal correction, is calm and in control. It can even express love and understanding for her situation. But the voice also expresses the wrong and is assertive. It does not leave her thinking it’s no big deal or that this deserves a mere slap on the wrist. It acts side by side with the spanking, to express your disappointment in her and to reassert what your rules are. It is clearly not one which will bend or be soft. It is the voice of her husband, and the voice of the law.

During your correction, a wife should feel you take no nonsense off of her, and you don’t. She should immediately get a sense of who is in control. You hold the reigns. If you hold them too lightly, or speak to gently and soft, she will not know who’s in charge. She will be more likely to argue, or to blow off the lesson. She may even try and reject it, either the discipline itself or the lesson that comes with it. If you are firm with your voice and clearly in control of the discipline session, she’ll know she won’t get out of it, and what she did is serious. She will respond more quickly as well. She knows that she earned what is coming, she needs to receive it, and she can take it despite any apprehension. She will even understand it does her no good to ignore her discipline and that learning from it is imperative. You lay these things on her soul by managing the session clearly and firmly.

Take charge of of the steps of her correction from start to finish. Tell her to undress. To get on her knees. Tell her what she “needs” to do, including learning from the correction. Tell her the position to get in, and immediately correct her if she gets out of it. During the spanking lecture her in a strong voice about her wrong, and about her expected behavior in the future. She should get a strong fatherly lecture as she gets strapped on her bottom. Do not take any backtalk or resistance during a spanking, but correct it as soon as you see it, and if it continues, punish her more. She will learn quickly she needs to submit, and submit fully. Being soft will not do that. Being firm and in control will, alongside a good hard spanking. Your clear management, tone of voice, and punishment help her to soften and submit. It will lay deeply upon her.

Even tenderness comes with strength. It is natural to show some amount of mercy if she has a hard time taking a correction. You may pause for a few moments. You may reaffirm your love for her. But this can’t amount to going soft, or being unclear about what you expect. It can’t amount to letting her think she shouldn’t be punished. It is simply to give her a chance to rest for a bit, or calm down if she needs to, and remind her she is deeply cared for. If you take some time for tenderness before the end of the session, make sure she understands you are still in charge, and that she needs to take her punishment. Keep her still in the position you desire her. Affirm why she is getting punished, and why it will be good for her. The pain is only for the moment, but she has to learn her lesson.

Firmness and clarity are important in daily guidance as well. If she doesn’t know what you expect, she won’t know what to do, and punishment won’t make much sense if she didn’t know your expectations. Let her know what she needs to do in command form. If a bad behavior warrants a spanking, tell her. If she is approaching getting one, warn her. Even verbal corrections for lesser wrongs need to be clear on the fact she needs to follow your rules, and needs to change her behavior. I always make sure my wife is showing proper respect during a verbal correction as well. She needs to be answering me with respect, not turning away, expressing regret for her wrong, and her better behavior in the future. If it is a longer and private time, she will need to kneel for verbal correction as well. She keeps her responding to you as her authority, and promptly correcting any errors. She does not forget to show respect.

Your voice is a tool, as I have said many times. It is equally important as a strap on her bottom in correction. In fact on a daily level it is more important, since it is the frequent and usual method she will hear. Don’t fail to use it rightly to command her. Be clear. Speak in imperatives. Manage your discipline sessions without signs of softness. She should know your displeasure with her wrong attitude or actions, and be told the direction she needs to go. You are in charge of each step in the discipline process, and she can sense that, and responds in kind. Your strength assures her softness. Being in charge helps her learn her lesson, and try less often to get out of it. It also helps her know the seriousness of her bad behavior. It places the reigns on her and takes her down the right path.

It is natural to end a session with getting close again, and with holding your wife. I believe this is good. Just know that closeness and kindness is not an excuse for wimpiness. You make sure she affirms that she is yours. She obeys you. You take looking after her very seriously, and you will correct her when she needs it. She is under your guidance and correction. There’s no reason that cannot come along with your expressions of love, and intimacy. The chance for intimacy after you spank her is also her opportunity to show you, in a big way, her new attitude. She will show you how good, respectful, and helpful she will be, through her body pleasuring you just as you desire. Serving you with her body is her first chance to show you what her behavior will be like. If you enjoy her body afterward, she should know you are in control, even if you want to express your tenderness as well. Your love and gentleness comes with power, which should be ever present as your correct your wife.

Published by aronhusband

I am a happily married man from the U.S. who's been blessed with five children. I write about marital discipline in a Christian home at my website spankingyourwife.wordpress.com. It contains articles on spanking in marriage, as well as advice on leading the home. I offer personal advice and mentorship in marriage to men or women who contact me. I long to see more and better marriages, in my country and the world.

21 thoughts on “Managing Your Discipline Session

  1. Greetings Aron,
    What do you think about how a wife should respond to the pain of the strokes? Like if the husband is turning up the heat, her cries can sound like protests or her tone can be imploring him to stop, even if she doesn’t actually say “stop.” As a natural response to pain, is that OK? Should she be spanked to silence, or until loud crying gives way to something softer, or is begging freedom from the pain ok? what is it a husband should be looking for? Or is it sufficient just to have burned her bottom regardless of how she does or doesn’t endure the pain submissively?
    As far as verbal things go too, even if she is saying, “sorry, I won’t do it again” she could be saying that as an evasive “get me out of this” sort of thing rather than as heartfelt contrition. How does a husband judge when he has done his job thoroughly for her inward condition?
    Thanks!

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    1. Hello Ouchy, Thanks for your question. That’s an interesting subject to get into. As far as remorse, a husband ought to expect to see remorse from his wife, as well as a contrite attitude during or after the spanking. He needs to see that she is sorry for her behavior and committed to good behavior. However, he can’t be expected to read her mind, and of course some women just want to get the spanking over, and haven’t come to a deep remorse yet. That will happen. Yet even in those cases a spanking can still function as a warning and a deterrent to her. It’s not always easy to produce sincere remorse.

      It’s normal for a woman to cry during her spanking. Tears of shame, and of release, as well as cries from the pain of the strokes. While telling her husband to stop is inappropriate, I don’t see begging as necessarily disrespectful, though she should try not to. It takes maturity to fully accept the spanking, as well as to face the pain. That’s what she should be aiming at.

      I wouldn’t worry about a few cries, as they are natural reactions either to fear or pain. Silence certainly is not necessary, and I would wonder if I was giving an effective spanking if my wife were completely silent.

      I hope that fully answers your question.

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    2. I would like to hear what anyone has to say about sexual arousal during discipline. In my experience it’s not unusual for my wife to be sufficiently aroused as to welcome sex after spanking. However I usually become aroused also, and I will invariably take my pleasure. My question is two part. Firstly, does it defeat the purpose of the spanking if part way through my wife becomes aroused and starts looking forward to the sex? If so, what can we do about that? Should I try more painful spanking with harsher implements? Secondly, I am concerned that my decisions to spank here may sometimes to driven by sexual desire more than her genuine need for discipline. I am comfortable with a husbands right to be sexually aroused, but I don’t think this should be an influence on the initial decision, do you?

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      1. Hello Baumann, Welcome to my website. Thanks for your comment. It’s not unusual for either a man or woman to become aroused during a spanking. However, if the spanking is for discipline, then it should not be motivated by a desire for sexual satisfaction.

        It’s important to make sure spanking deals with a real infraction, one which is serious enough to earn the punishment. The lecture should be serious and focus on the lesson she needs to learn. Generally a spanking ought to be hard enough that it is undesirable to experience, and most women will wish it’s over as soon as possible. I would wonder that it’s too mild if she is simply looking forward to sex afterward. If you think it is, try a stronger instrument, or deliver the spanking with more force.

        I would also look to the overall results of discipline to make sure it is effective, and doing its job in correcting your wife’s behavior, or bad attitude. If it is successful, you probably don’t need to make any adjustments.

        It may be, if you both find spanking itself very exciting, that you may wish to have non-discipline spankings, which are significantly milder, and much more erotic. That may satisfy your desire for the sexual side of spanking, while leaving discipline a separate practice, and a far harder spanking. Some couples do both kinds of spankings, others do not. But I don’t teach or write about erotic spankings here.

        You may find this article on giving effective spankings helpful to you: https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2020/07/15/what-makes-an-effective-spanking/

        Take care.

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  2. Excellent article. I suspect new husbands often get this wrong which makes the punishment ineffective or even worst resulting in emotional damage for the wife. This is why CDD needs to be taught in the Church, a function this site serves. But every Christian Church should provide instruction, in my opinion.

    While I don’t have a rigid procedure, I do tend to follow the same plan more or less for every punishment session. First, I want to be one hundred percent certain that Jane deserves to be punished. This is the most important step of all. Punishing a wife who doesn’t deserve to be punished negates the whole purpose of correction. (Except for Maintenance and reminder spankings which are not too severe) During time it’s vital you are complete control of your emotions. There is no place for shouting, name calling or any expression of out-of-control behavior. If you can’t be calm and steady, then wait to punish your wife until you can.

    Sometimes it’s very obvious Jane has earned some time with the strap; other times information has to be gathered. Jane is generally allowed to explain how and why what happened. At other times if the offense is very obvious, she is just told she is going to be punished. More often than not Jane is stripped nude when she is being questioned and when she is lectured. These days when Jane knows we are going to talk about a bad behavior issue she takes off her clothes without being asked. Jane is also nude when she is punished.

    I do not spank Jane until I am sure she understands why she is being punished. Spanking her without her understanding why she is being punished defeats the purpose of correction obviously. Jane becomes very emotional and very vocal when she knows she is going to be corrected. Early in our marriage this resulted in ineffective punishment, but I know the drill now.

    Jane is also very reactive when she is punished, begging and pleading, which really upset me in the beginning, but I know from long experience she needs to be spanked for misbehavior and the spanking must be something she is fearful of. Jane knows that once the decision is made it’s going to happen. Jane is vocal but she always obediently accepts her punishment. After her spanking she always gets corner time when she is expected to think about why she was punished, Jane is always very contrite when her corner time is over, and she is always forgiven

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  3. Greetings Aron,
    I ask my husband for words but he seems to prefer to do a lot with very few of them.

    The other day this woman called (on bluetooth/speakerphone) while we were driving who has been quite horrible towards me and who was always quite controlling towards me. My husband knows how awful she has been and she really isn’t supposed to call us. I got so upset at this woman and my husband told me to settle down mostly because he didn’t think she is worth all the emotional energy, and the woman had the audacity to say to my husband about me, “Yes, that’s right, you need to get her in line.” Of all people in the world this lady has no right to say such a thing, and even my husband would agree with that. But I freaked out at her attempt to control me through telling my husband to get me in line, and started swearing at her and hung up the phone. Swearing is one of the forbidden lines in our house.

    I was all worked up and upset about this woman and said to my husband, “Please don’t spank me for this.”

    He replied, “I am going to spank you, and you will like it, and you will thank me for it.”

    That knocked the wind out of me, for at least a moment.

    But we ended up having a huge argument because I didn’t understand why he didn’t stand up to this woman for me, which earned me quite a few more rounds.

    We got home, and he had me get in position on our bed, and read down through our rules. I know you’re not a huge fan of rules, Aron, but my husband and I wrote them together to describe what submission and respect needs to look like. He decided that I would get a mandatory 10 strokes for each rule broken, and then he reserves the right to do whatever he wants to express himself on my bottom afterward. We agreed I am to hold my bottom high and if I drop it, he will start over on that rule.

    But he doesn’t lecture. He always asks me to tell him what rule I’ve broken. I ask him, “Please don’t ask me that, please just tell me what you want me to know.” He always refuses. He says I need to submit and I need to receive this, and part of that is that I need to tell him what I am being punished for. He won’t let me off the hook until I give him the confession he desires.

    This time he had me read our rules aloud and tell him which ones I broke, and as I read each one, and said, “that one”, he simply said, “Yes, that one.” And then WHAM, WHAM, WHAM, 10 times on my bottom for each one. Six rules broken. 50 WHAMS for the first 5, and the last one he let loose on me with a strength and fury I haven’t yet felt, for 20 more strokes. Then he held me. It took about 5 minutes to pull myself together and thank him for my discipline.

    He said almost nothing the whole time. He never does. He only speaks with his belt. I do wish he would say more but it is his choice.

    Afterward we pray, and he and I commit his discipline of me to God and ask the Lord to help me obey.

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    1. Hello Heather, That sounds like an effective punishment. I do encourage speaking, but if a man can provide discipline without much of it, I don’t see the harm. The most important thing is that you understand the lesson, and seek to learn from it. If you really feel that you’d benefit from more lecturing on his part, you could also kindly ask him.

      I understand your disappointment that your husband didn’t stick up for you, but you’ve got to trust in his decisions, and his way of doing things. It won’t always please you, But you keep showing him honor and obedience even if you don’t agree. That’s the real test of submission. You do so gratefully and meekly, even at the times you disagree. You will grow immensely if you do that. I’d punish my wife quite soundly if I ever heard her cursing.

      Keep learning and growing as a godly wife. I know you can do it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you Aron. I read your reply to my husband and he was impressed and appreciated your support of his authority. As do I. You are right of course that I need to accept meekly whatever my husband’s decisions are on things, and I was wrong and quite justly disciplined for it. There are so few voices even in the church that affirm such things and it is a breath of fresh air to have even some semblance of community agreeing with the right of my husband to rule me. Thank you as always Aron.

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  4. This is so very important. The man’s authority and voice being there makes the experience so much more fulfilling and meaningful. For me, if my husband just spanked me when I took a misstep I think I would have a really difficult time accepting the punishment and the lesson. It almost seems like a spanking without the other pieces that you describe would be abuse instead of discipline.

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  5. Very well said, Aron! A man rules over his wife in so many ways. Spanking is the most extreme, and the hardest part for a woman to endure, but he should show his wife his strength every day. She should hear it in his voice, his rules, his verbal correction. If I forget myself and respond to my husband sharply, his stern warning sets me straight. Lately, sometimes, I am tired or impatient, and you can hear that in my tone of voice. It can sound like disrespect. But a warning from my man gives me a very clear memory of the sting of his belt, and I (usually) correct myself. His strength and leadership is something I rely on every day to help me be the best wife I can be. I am grateful to serve him.

    My favorite line is one all husbands should remember if your wife is harsh or overbearing: “Your strength assures her softness.” I truly believe every woman, no matter how “strong” or independent, wants a man to take control so that she can finally be the soft woman God meant for her to be. Not just when he spanks her, but every day, as he lovingly guides her actions. It is a beautiful way of life.

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  6. Hi Aron

    Just wanted to praise my husband Lee. He does all of this, I think it comes natural it is in his DNA 😁. I am a very blessed spanked wife!

    Nic

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  7. Thank you, Aron, for your ministry. I first brought up the idea of spanking in our marriage to my husband over five years ago. I think he thought I was crazy but he didn’t laugh and kept an open mind. I have always had a strong personality and for the first decade of our marriage I pretty much bulldozed my way through our relationship, expecting to have my way. I was (and still can be) rude, selfish and dismissive. Somehow I think his bending to my will made me respect him less. Deep down I have always wanted to be with a man whom I could look up to and who could guide me. I just thought that man didn’t exist outside my imagination.

    My husband was very timid at first about the whole idea of spanking me, and for several years we only “practiced” when making love. It was clear he was afraid to hurt me (which I guess is a good thing!) but over time we got more comfortable with it.

    Gradually I got over my shyness about speaking of my need to be corrected. This year I shared some of the posts from this blog. The guidance and community here are a blessing.

    Last week my husband got upset when I was rude to him. I forgot all about it, but he didn’t. Two days later, when the kids were at school, he bent me over the bed and spanked me. Not very hard, and it was definitely awkward, since we are still learning, but he did it. He spoke to me in a stern tone and I agree totally with your post, Aron, that the lecture is as important as the spanking.

    Later we talked about our experience and my husband said he thought we should definitely continue to use spanking as correction from now on. He noticed a difference and softness in my behaviour after that I think surprised us both.
    I am a little afraid of the future but also grateful that he loves me and wants to do whatever is needed to make our marriage stronger.

    I have a demanding job as a professional where I need to be in charge of many people. I used to think I had to be in charge at home too, but now I am seeing that I don’t. I can let my husband’s strength be my guide since he loves me and will always do what is best for me. I am definitely a kinder and better person because of it.

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    1. Thank you for your comment. That’s really great news. I’m glad my articles have helped in initiating discipline in your home. It’s natural for things to be awkward when you start, and many husbands are afraid of hurting their wives the first few times.

      You’ll find you grow deeply in your roles, and in your intimacy, as you fit discipline into your relationship. It is a challenge to step back from being in charge, and a common one, but it brings enormous peace to find yourself safely guided by your husband.

      Feel free to share more as headship and submission deepen in your marriage.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. My husband never cancels the punishment he has planned for me, even when I cry or beg.
    when i face or question i get extra, i think it’s unfair.
    in the end I have to answer why I was punished, thank and serve my husband

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  9. Again thank you for all your guiding articles. My husband and I are still getting our feet wet. I am the one that approached my husband about DD in our marriage and I’m thankful for him trying. I know we’ll gain great benefits for this. Especially when done completely with firm verbal correction and not allowing himself to become manipulated by my imperfect emotions and often time unreasonableness. I want a healthy proper fear of displeasing my husband, the one I want to call my lord and head.

    I look forward to him finding more of his voice before I’ve made a bad choice and especially when I’m deserving of a harsher punishment. For him to speak with authority for the betterment of myself as a submissive wife and for the overall health of our marriage. If I was given a choice before I thought I was going to get punishment for something I know I did without a doubt in that moment I’d apologize terribly in hopes to be freed from any consequences. But I feel more people do this from children to adults everyday and look at what it produces. No consequences equal no change. I want to be a better wife and person in general, so I’m looking to my husband to not only find his ability to spank me as punishment, but also to have his words be so firm and impactful it changes my soul. I think of the scriptures where it says the “heart is treacherous….” and this can be what’s standing in the way of a husband not correcting his wife. His heart isn’t thinking correctly, he should love God above all and take his godgiven leadership seriously, then let that move him to love his wife properly.
    Thank you again for all your insight!

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    1. Hello Sue, Thank you for your comment. We do need more men taking charge of their wives and their homes. Male leadership is indeed God given, and men are literally built for it. It will take time, in each home, to establish.

      A part of the reason is the number of men that currently have been trained to do nearly the opposite by the culture. The mind has to learn to think differently. Men also step away from their duties out of fear, or laziness, and much of that comes down to human sinfulness. If men knew clearly what their job was, and its importance, more would jump at the chance to lead, and learn to be skilled at it.

      However, even in the short time you have had discipline in the home, you can start to see results. Do not give up. Blessings.

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