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How to Spank Your Wife

and Other Tips in Leading Her

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  1. Good evening. I call from Italy, I’m Lorenzo 58. I’m very sorry about my poor english language, but I read this forum with a special interest. So I try to explane my tough and uor (my and mine wife) experience. I (we) think tha a woman is on th same plane of a man, but she can’t be a realized woman whitout roules, correction, discipline, punishment. I read a lot of papers in this (and in others) bog, and I agree whit the basic idea that woman need, deeply in her soul and DNA, this way of life. We don’t live the complete CDD (we married 30 years ago) but usyally I spank her, I use the belt or the core cane, just on the bare bottom and often ’til the tars. Our chiise, since the firt time of our marriage, is that the pnishment can happen only after a long dialogue. I think that she need to comprehend why she needs (or deserve) the punishment. I observed that using this metod the effectiveness od the beating is complete and become a growth for both. I used still the nudity as discipline and punishment (for example no panties whit skirt). I ask a thik: I use the enema as disicpline and punishment instrument: both psicolocically and corporally we discovered that enema is a perfect metod to punish and to cleann her soul. I ask, if I can: nobody else uses enemas in domestic discipline? Thank very mouch

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    1. Thank you for your comment, Lorenzo. I am very happy to hear from a reader in Italy. Nearly any woman, from cultures all across the world, can appreciate and grow from getting spanked by her husband. It does suit her soul. That’s a very good point about a wife needing to understand the punishment she has coming.

      While I endorse and teach marital spanking, I do not find enemas appropriate for a punishment. I find anything related to the bowels too biological, as well as unpleasant, and it doesn’t seem much like a punishment. You will find there are a few couples who use such practices, but I don’t believe it is that common.

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  2. Hello
    I am 22 and I just got married, When we were dating my husband told me that once we get married we will practice DD. Coming from a Christian family I was familiar with the concept.
    I must say that I totally accept DD but I think that my husband is abusing this tool.
    I am very humble, polite and submissive. I accept my husband’s rule over me without questioning it. However, my husband sometimes punishes me with no reason at all. He just feels that I deserve to be punished and he sends me to our room for corner time. I have to stand in the corner, facing the wall. I stand there all alone and I must be silent while he is watching tv. Sometimes it could last for an hour. The other day I told him that I didn’t accept this punishment since I feel degraded and humiliated. I told him that I’m not a little girl and he should respect my feelings. He then slapped my face and spanked my tush very hard. I was shocked. After the punishment I cried secretly for several days.
    What should I do? I love him but I feel his behavior is way too abusive.

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    1. Hello Karin, Thank you for writing me. I’m glad you can understand the value of discipline, and accepted it in your marriage. If you’d like to discuss it in some detail, feel free to write me at my e-mail, or you can have your husband contact me as well.

      It is not unheard of for a husband to sometimes misuse discipline. It is fairly subjective decide exactly what is out of bounds, and everyone is going to make a mistake sometimes. A punishment ought to have a reason, and even discipline as a form of training ought to come in only where there are real problems to work on.

      I would not be resistant or argumentative with your husband, but there’s nothing wrong simply with expressing that you think you were punished for no reason, and asking him to be clearer if you do something wrong. Otherwise, that could leave you with little idea of what his rules are, and when you are doing a good job or not. Perhaps he saw something that you did not, and that’s why he decided to put you in the corner. I would stay away from telling him that you do not “accept” it, since as his wife you need to accept it, even if you believe he made a poor judgment call.

      It is best for a man to have another man for guidance. That way he can get a good idea of how discipline works, and hear advice on how to use if better. That includes hearing if he is using discipline wrongly. A wife should know that her good behavior will not lead her into trouble, but only her bad behavior.

      I hope that helps you.

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      1. Hello sir,
        I really want to thank you for the smart and informative answer.
        My husband controls almost every aspect of my life. He teaches me how to dress, how to manage the household, how to take care of the accounts, what to cook, how much and when to clean the house, etc.
        The agreement between us is that I am responsible for all household chores such as cleaning, cooking, paying bills and arranging the house and he is responsible for the income of the house.
        The choice to be the little woman in the house is a choice that I am at peace with and I have no second thoughts about my role in this life and my husband’s role as the head of the house.
        I am rarely punished for neglecting my duties at home. I know that my husband is very pleased with the way in which I take my tasks seriously and the way in which I fulfill them. I clean the house every day. I do laundry, tidy the house and cook delicious and nutritious meals for him.
        Sometimes I can be negligent in one task or another or an order that I didn’t understand properly and then I am severely punished with the cane. I don’t complain about it because I understand that I disappointed my husband (which is the head of our little kingdom) and I deserve to be punished. The punishment is very severe. I writhe in pain when the cane cuts into my flesh, but I neither cry nor moan, but accept the pain with resignation and submission.
        Where do I identify the problem? In places where, in his understanding, I behaved in a way that is not in accordance with his wishes and which I do not fully understand. For example, when my husband is busy doing something like working, reading, or watching TV, I have to ask permission before I address him but sometimes I just ask him a simple and direct question without asking permission to speak and he will respond by slapping me in the face. If for example I don’t sit properly (back straight, shoulders back, buttocks touching the back of the chair, either crossed legs or crossed at the ankles) I get spanked on my legs, thighs and bottom).
        If I say a word he doesn’t like I’m likely to get slapped on the mouth. I might be sent to corner time just because he feels that I’m not calm, or that I was talking loudly. He will tell me: “you act like a little girl and therefore you should stand in the corner and then get spanked on your bare bottom”.
        I think that by now you get the picture.
        I appreciate that my husband teaches me how to sit and how to speak but I need more guidance before I get punished.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hello Karin, Thank you for making things clearer. I believe the extent to which your husband goes is beyond the norm in domestic discipline. Having authority does not demand regulating or punishing everything, as I have said. Marriage is not totalitarian.

        Naturally, if you spoke with vulgar language, or blasphemy, it would be reasonable to punish you. However, punishing a mere inappropriate word, is very harsh. It really sets a standard that is virtually impossible to meet. His concern for your body does not need to extend to exact sitting position. Certainly, you should respect his desire, but making a simple mistake in posture is not serious to warrant serious punishment. The cane is a very harsh instrument, and being harsh, is appropriately reserved for the serious infractions.

        I believe it would help if he had guidance from other men, who focus their leadership on larger matters, and punish for larger matters. Smaller guidance needs are better handled with words. I also find smacking in the face to be unsafe. I know many men try and do it safely, but the face and head are easily injured, and striking at the face implies more of an attack than a punishment. I hope that your husband is open minded towards altering his methods.

        You clearly have a lot of self discipline, and a good attitude as a wife. I believe your husband is trying to do what is best, but misses the mark regarding being punitive with so many matters. I hope you can have an honest, loving conversation about it with him. If not, I’d be happy to speak with him myself.

        Blessings.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Karin,
        We also have a rule in my house that I am to ask permission before speaking if it will interrupt something my husband is doing, such as watching TV, etc. This rule makes sense to me because it is simply showing him respect, but the rule is not designed to humiliate me or to simply control me for the sake of controlling me. I agree with Aron that your description sounds like your husband is taking things too far. It is good for a wife to be willing to put up with a harsh husband, but at the same time, Jesus did give the entire church instructions on how to deal with people who are sinning against other people. It does sound to me like your husband may be doing this to you. In Matthew 18 it talks about how to approach someone who is sinning in the body of Christ, and that is your take one or two trusted other people to talk to them. In this situation it is not gossip to talk to somebody about something going wrong, in fact Christ commands us to go talk to somebody else when we are being harmed by a brother or sister even if that person is a spouse it should not make a difference. I don’t know if Aaron would agree but you will find the instructions written in Matthew 18 about how to take one or two other people to talk to someone who is not living the right way before the Lord. Just be careful and pick some brothers who do not think it is wrong to spank a wife, or they will judge your husband just for spanking you instead of for spanking you wrongly.

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      4. I would not agree with Heather’s assessment. While I find the situation overly harsh, I don’t see anything I could clearly define as sin, although in some areas where we cross over into it is subjective. Considering this is a private marital matter and one many people don’t approve of, I would not bring anyone you know into the situation unless you know for a fact it is sin. The first biblical approach is to speak one on one anyway. If you’d like to speak with someone, or have him speak with someone to receive guidance, I’d use private contacts online. Give it some thought.

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    1. Hello J, Thank you for your question. I have several articles on introducing the idea of spanking to your husband that might be helpful to you. It’s not a rare situation that a wife wants to be corrected, but her husband either doesn’t know about it, or is not interested.

      First try introducing the idea to him, and let him know your needs. Explain why you think it would be helpful, but turn it over to his consideration and decision. You might want to leave him with some good reading material on the subject. Most important is that he gets a clear view of what headship is, and what goes along with it. Once he can see his role and your role underneath him, correction fits more easily into the picture.

      If he isn’t interested, there’s not too much you can do, other than being patient. Know that it takes time for a man to reconfigure how he sees things, and what you suggest may go against the bulk of his training and worldview. Certain things need to come into focus, and they take time. Just wait, and in the meantime, do your best to show him your submission to him in all things. Learn to be soft and gentle, and to follow his lead. Let him know you belong to him, and your body is his to enjoy as he pleases. Sometimes seeing you in submission will help him get a view of his own leadership, and how he can be your head. Your example itself can be a good tool to introduce it to him.

      Here is one article on the subject: https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2020/05/16/asking-your-man-to-spank-you/

      I hope that helps.

      Blessings.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My husband doesn’t want to discipline me either.
        In some ways that is more painful than a spanking. So it is something to train myself to submit to his desires to not spank. I do pray the Lord convinces him at some point to spank me. That’s a scary prayer to pray!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hello NotSpanked, Thank you for your comment. I am sorry to hear you aren’t being corrected as you need, but submission often involves submitting to things you are unhappy with, including his choice not to use spanking. Work on becoming the soft, submissive, and feminine woman that you should be for him, even without the discipline. That will be valuable to him, and he will treasure it.

        Give it time as well. I really can take men years to digest the purpose of discipline, as well as see its helpfulness. Plus they have mental obstacles to get over, such as the fear of hurting a woman, which this society has drummed into everyone. It is certainly worth praying for, though I understand your fear also. It can be hard to face a spanking once you have to face one.

        If you haven’t read it already, here is one article dealing with common male obstacles to accepting spanking their wives:

        https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2021/04/23/what-can-a-man-do/

        I hope that can help you.

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    1. Hello Paula, Thank you for writing. I have not considered that question before, and I think it’s good you bring it up. To begin with, as far as afflictions such as blindness, I know that despite any hardship from the condition, the Lord purposes it for His glory. Your struggling with blindness, and living in it, can refine you, and can uplift the name of Jesus.

      I do not believe that blindness would prevent anyone from spanking, or being spanked. It does present some challenges as far as safety is concerned. The first, is the ability to hit the mark, rather than striking somewhere that could cause damage. The second is witnessing how the spanking is affecting the woman, which allows a husband to see if he’s being thorough enough, or perhaps risking real damage.

      I believe both of these obstacles can be overcome. It seems the safest way to spank, for those who cannot see, or see clearly, is over the knee. That way your man, who I hope is your husband, can know exactly where your bottom is, and even feel it resting on his legs. It is close to him and easily struck, even letting him know if he is spanking towards the top or bottom of it.

      The second obstacle, for those who have never spanked before may be more difficult. How is he to know how the spanking is affecting your bottom? How can he tell if he is being harsh enough or too harsh? For me, having given many spankings before, with a variety of instruments, and having seen the results, I wouldn’t have a trouble gauging if a spanking were thorough without my eyes, although the eyes help. I know about the hardness to strike, and how long most of my spankings are. I also can tell by my wife’s reactions, in her squeals and in her tone of voice. I could give a safe and thorough spanking without my sight. I believe anyone could do the same, gauging by the same factors.

      If a man is new to spanking, it may be more challenging, however. I’d advise, if he’s willing to try, to simply experiment, and use his judgment as to what is hard enough, and what brings the right reaction from you. He may find he can spank you many times, and provide appropriate discipline, with little risk at all. If he’s new, perhaps err on the side of caution the first few times, but once he sees he can spank you soundly without injuring you, he will develop an understanding of what delivering a sound spanking feels like. Then he can repeat it, and provide you the correction you need.

      I’d be interest in hearing if you try spanking, and what works out for you. Blindness does not need to prevent you from so many things, including spanking. If you need a spanking, blind or not, you should get it.

      I hope that offers you some guidance. Take care.

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      1. Thanks for the good answer. Yes, he is my husband. We are from Poland and we are learning English. I am writing because my husband does not know the language yet. Yes, the over-the-knee position is probably for the best. What tool do you recommend in our case? Will something beyond hand be available to us?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hi Paula, That’s great. I enjoy hearing from our readers in Poland. Very glad you are considering spanking in your marriage, and I definitely believe you can make it work.

        To start out with, the easiest and safest would be hand spanking. That will give him a good feel for it. After that, I would recommend a good sized wooden hairbrush, or a smaller wooden paddle for over the knee spankings. Hairbrushes often have shorter handles though, so there’s always a risk, seeing or not, that it can slip out if a man’s hand during the spanking. That’s nearly impossible with a paddle, which usually have longer handles.

        You could also try a firmer loopy johnny, some of which are nearly a foot long, not including the handle. If it is the firm kind, it will swing only a little, then bounce back into place, and is not very hard to aim. They make some kinds of loops which are very swishy, and I’d stay away from them. There are shorter riding crops which would work and are very easy to control. The crop is fairly silent, like the loopy.

        I would avoid long or very swishy instruments, such as a belt, as they are more difficult to use, and don’t always land where you are aiming them, even for the seeing.

        I hope that helps you get started.

        Blessings.

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      3. Thanks for the advice. Some tools we did not know before, and they will be useful. There is also a risk that I will move when spanked without my husband noticing it. As a child, my parents usually punished me in the over-the-knee position. While I was a teenager and an adult, my mother told me to lie down on the bed with something under my hips to keep the buttocks firmly unfastened, or to move over the back of the sofa bed and give me a hard spanking on my bare buttocks. She used a belt, but she is able-bodied. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stay where the spanking was, and she had to hold me tight. This can be a problem as my husband may want to control the spanking area with his other hand.

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      4. Sure, movement would be a challenge. Do your best to hold still on his lap, but if he needs to he can hold you firm. With self discipline many women can receive a spanking with very little squirming around. I hope it goes very well.

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  3. Hi Aron,
    I am wondering what you think of the place of these roles and the discipline that comes with them, namely spanking, before marriage within a Christian relationship? Do these roles as head and helper only commence once married? If not, if we should be practicing them before marriage, is spanking permissible or advisable? Perhaps doing it in a different way (not bare etc) is fine?
    Otherwise should a couple just wait for marriage to start exercising this dynamic?

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    1. Hello Curious, Thank you for visiting my discipline website. I have made mention elsewhere of the fact that spanking is best left for marriage, and that it also is uniquely between husband and wife, meaning others should not be watching or participating in it. This is because it is an intimate act on multiple levels, and because of the deep trust involved, a trust best found in the lifelong unity of marriage.

      I know there are couples who begin with discipline before marriage, and that some take the precaution of not spanking in the nude, but I believe it is not appropriate and somewhat dangerous to have this level of intimacy. It is useful to be practicing your roles, however, in the unofficial sense before you are married. A man can still take the lead, and let his betrothed know she is to follow his lead. A wife still practices being soft and submissive, and helping her husband. It helps let man and future wife each know that the other is willing and able to do their job in marriage.

      I hope that provides a helpful answer.

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  4. I experienced something similar to this a few nights ago and it really turned me on. My wife and I have been experimenting with discipline for the past few months and one night I came home from the store and I asked her if she finished a few things I asked her to do. She said “No, but I had to…” I didn’t say anything, I just started undoing my belt and walked toward her slowing with a negative look on my face. She actually got down on her knees and said in the cutest, meekest, most helpless voice I ever heard “No, please, I’ll start now” and it just sent me into a thrill ride. I loved seeing her kneel to me like that. I have been holding that moment in my head since, I made really intense love to that night needless to say.

    I really want to deepen her submission and obedience to me so I can have more moments like that, I really loved that feeling so much. That’s why I started looking for websites like this involving discipline.

    I was wondering if I do develop her submission to a level that is complete, is it realistic for me to tell her I’ll be indulging in the pleasures of other women in front of her? The relationship we’re developing feels very natural and comfortable for both of us (me dominating her submitting) I’m just thinking ahead and how to eventually bring that to her.

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    1. Hello Alan, I’m glad you have found spanking useful in marriage. A woman can learn submission more deeply that way, and can stay away from harmful behaviors. I would advise a good talk before disciplining her, rather than just undoing the belt. She should see her wrong, understand what is coming, and why she has earned it. Loving restoration afterward is important too.

      I don’t know if you really mean your final comment or not. It is innate human knowledge that to sexually enjoy other people apart from your spouse is wicked. Regardless of whether it is approved by your spouse, this is sin against God, and is harmful to mankind. One should no more practice immorality than one should poison a city’s water supply. The marriage bed is the right place for sex, and it is exclusively between man and wife. In marriage, the destructive nature of unbound sexuality is channeled into the intimate union of man and wife, and the miracle of bringing new life into the world.

      It would furthermore be a great abuse of authority to use submission as a method to convince someone to accept adultery. That shows no care for one’s spouse at all, nor a clear idea of what discipline is meant to accomplish. Focus on treasuring your wife, leading her in virtue, and use discipline only to correct serious matters.

      I trust you will take more time to learn and grow as you incorporate discipline into your marriage. Just remember it is only a tool, and not what marriage is all about. Focus on loving and leading your wife, and see where spanking is needed to aid her.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. That is really good advice, I hope he accepts.
        His words really bothered me- thank you for setting him straight– hopefully.

        Liked by 5 people

  5. Hi, I don’t practice domestic discipline but I have found myself curious about it for a few years now.

    One question that always comes back to me is, what happens when the man makes a mistake? Everybody does. What happens if you do something dangerous in which would be punishable if done by your wife? What if you are rude to her?

    Another is, what do you do if you spank and you later find out it actually was not justified?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello WantingDD, I’m happy to hear you are interested in marital spanking. I believe it can be a useful aid in nearly any marriage. What is key is a man’s authority, and his wife’s submission, and not the use of spanking as a tool, which is only there to help him guide his wife. Can I ask what made you want to be disciplined?

      A wife is not in the position of authority, so she cannot discipline her husband if he does something wrong. She can gently express her thoughts about a decision, in a helpful way. She can make it known if she thinks something was a mistake, but in a way that honors and uplifts her husband. She also teaches him by example, by being meek, modest, and kind. This way even an ungodly husband can learn what is right. She can help him greatly this way.

      If a man is doing wrong, he is often answerable to other men, and he is always answerable to God. The Church can either counsel him, or practice Church discipline. If he breaks the law, the government has authority to punish him. However, it is a wife’s role to obey her husband, even a husband who does wrong. She doesn’t get to correct him. Many men recognize it if they make a mistake, and ought to ask forgiveness if they sin against their wife. If he does not, you continue to be a meek and respectful wife, and fulfill your role and responsibilities. You don’t get to correct him.

      If a husband spanks his wife, and finds out later it was unjustified, it is up to him how to handle it. He may choose to let her know, and perhaps give her something to make up for it. Or he may let it stand, considering she has likely gotten out of spankings in the past that she deserved. It will still be a lesson in submission, even if it was mistaken. His goal should always be to be just, but it is impossible he will never make a mistake. It’s just something you live with. He will decide the course of action if that happens.

      There are a lot of possible situations to imagine, and potential problems. I find nearly all work themselves out easily by fulfilling our roles, and with love. The way to have a peaceful and harmonious marriage is not complicated. Discipline is similarly simple. Couples of all kinds, and different personality types do it successfully. Just be willing and do what is required.

      Blessings.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you for your thorough reply.

        I’m not really sure. It just resonates to me. By nature I abide my husband naturally. We don’t practice submission sadly, but his words are often final.
        I have a lot of responsibility at my work. I don’t wish to be leader home. I want to answer to my husband, and I want him to discipline if I cross his line. I want to feel I make ammends and that an issue is solved then and there.

        Where I live it’s almost impossible to live on one income. We could do it, but not on his. I earn over twice as much as he does. So I have to work. Even though ideally I’d be more happy home full time with my kids. Luckily we’ve got great parental leave, so I am home with my baby at the moment.
        I also feel DD is easier with the wife being a home keeper. It’s probably hard to fully do when wife works. How would you think it would work with a working wife?

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Hello WantingDD, Your reasons for wanting discipline are core to marriage. That’s great. The need for discipline ties in to the natural need for his authority, and the peace that comes with it. Plus its cleansing power on the soul. I hope you can have that arrangement in the future. It sounds like you are partly there with authority, but the husband’s headship is a step more formal, is always final, and covers every area. Correction and discipline become normal in headship, even if spanking is not used.

        I am refreshed to hear you know that it would be best to be in the home, and that you’d be more happy that way. That’s wonderful. I’d tell you this: it is possible to live on one income if you are willing to make a few changes. You may not want to, but it can be done. That would include downsizing some things in your life, possibly moving, and being willing to accept aid when needed. I do it, and I don’t make a lot of money.

        While it’s not impossible to be submissive while working full-time out of the home, it does make it more difficult. This is especially true if you have authority at work, and if you exist in a work culture that is very feminist. Being a homemaker naturally feeds a woman’s soft character, fulfills her need to be protected, and helps her be a nurturer. That all ties in to being submissive, even if it doesn’t do it alone. It still requires a commitment to being submissive, and a willingness to be humble, and get over any barriers of resistance. Please consider homemaking as an option in the future, even if it does not presently seem realistic.

        I did this one article on how careerism makes submission more difficult. You might have already thought of some of this yourself: https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2020/12/10/does-work-outside-the-home-make-submission-more-difficult/

        Blessings.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thank you for your great reply.

        Sadly my husbands health isn’t great, so we are dependent on me working. Within a few years he might not be able to work anymore. And I earn quite well, so my income brings us more security. I serve him best by working outside the home.

        Luckily I’ve got a lot of energy, so I still do the typical mum things: I do all the cleaning, laundry, cooking, baking, taking kids to play dates etc, nappy changing, nursing.

        Thanks for the recommendation for your article. Great read 🙂

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  6. My husband wants to spank me with my panties down and have me over his knee. I want to do what he says, but this is so embarrassing, to have my back side exposed like that–it’s so humiliating. I’m not a little girl. Why can’t he just spank me on my skirt?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Bessie, Thank you for visiting my website and for your comment. That’s a very good question. Having your panties down, and your bottom bared, is an important part of your correction. It demands that you be humble, and that you express the full belonging of your body to your man. It presents it to him. Being bared also ensures you feel the full sting of the spanking on your behind, and importantly that your husband can survey the effects of the spanking on your skin.

      True, you are not a little girl, but spankings aren’t only for little girls, Bessie. Adults have been spanked for thousands of years. Corporal punishment has a long and broad history in human civilization. It’s true it may sometimes make you FEEL like a little girl, but that’s not a terrible thing, and it may facilitate your ability to receive your husband’s instructions and learn to be soft to him in the future. It helps you see his real authority over you.

      It may be hard in the moment, for sure, but that aspect is an important part of your learning. Give it time. I think you will see good results, as will your husband.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I had to laugh at your request to get spanked over your skirt. Spanking isn’t a joke, it is a PUNISHMENT which must be painful and humilianting. I hope your husband will give you a longer spanking for your assurdo pretence.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Because you are a female person.
      The skirt covers your bottom.
      Ad the bottom is the main “target” …
      I married my husband at the age of 22.
      He spanked me from the very first day of our marriage.
      And from my first spanking I was taught to take off my panties for myself.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Just discovered this site and Aron’s amazing wisdom. I was feeling like I was all alone as a 24-year old spanking husband. I grew up in a strict household and learned the value you of all kinds of discipline including a sore bottom. I heard about the duty of men to spank their wives in college and it made since at many levels but not able to discuss it at church or in my daily life. Spanking has been a part of my marriage and this site is so helpful. I would love to find counsel from other spanking husbands. If you are interested in talking I would love to hear your experiences.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your comment. I hope you can connect with a wise and experienced husband here. In the future I will post an article inviting husbands to mentor each other. Until then, anyone is free to leave their contact in the comments if they want to meet other spanking husbands.

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  8. Hey, I will start by mentioning that I’m a feminist. I know y’all have a lot of misconceptions about feminism so allow me to tell you what a feminist it. A feminist wants equality for the sexes. That’s all. They don’t necessarily want to boss around the men in their life and be karens.
    When I first stumbled upon your blog I burst out laughing at how “primitive” your ideology was. I immediately corrected myself…we were just different and I had to take time to understand why you believe in what you do. I’m a sociology student and it’s important for me to understand social structures like marriage and how different communities structure their concept of an “ideal marriage”.
    Let me say this now : I do not wish to offend you. Something tells me even if your ideology is a little flawed, you are a good man. And as long as you treat everyone with love, I will respect you regardless of your ideology and approach to life.
    It’s obvious to see that your ideas on gender roles have been formed from your deep devotion to your religion. While I don’t adhere to any religion, I respect those who do. Religion offers a disciplined way to live…It is just not for me.
    Gender roles have existed for ages. Most of it is biological, and that’s why it makes sense. Adhering to gender roles also give conservation people a sense of comfort…and that’s okay as long as those involved consent to it.
    Almost all Abrahamic religions teach men to work and provide for women, because in those days only men could do this. Almost all jobs were labor intensive and males being physically stronger were better suited for it. Infant mortality rates were rocketing so it was important for women to remain inside homes and take care of their health and be able to give birth… all to perpetuate the species….HOWEVER THIS IS JUST DIVISION OF LABOR. It does not make one sex BELOW the other.

    I think that your notion of women being “below” men is absurd. Both women and men are perfectly capable of leading a household. I have seen it happen. As for being submissive…it’s a choice. You shouldn’t expect women to be submissive. Nor should you expect a man to be able to lead. Our personalities are not solely defined by our sex.

    As for the feminist idea of “tearing down gender roles”…this allows to remove nonsensical roles given to each sex with no regard to their personal capabilities. I have known women who are excellent teachers, businesswomen, painters, writers, bank managers, army personnel and even martial artists. Since the last two jobs require physical strength, it is dominated by men. But there are a few women who are capable of doing it…feminism ensures that ideas of gender roles do not hold these women back.

    Submission is a beautiful thing…but not specific to one gender lol.
    Having said that, while I hate your way of life, it’s beautiful if your wife consents to all this. HOWEVER you shouldn’t force this way of life upon your kids. It’s a free world, if your daughter wants to work and your son does not want to “lead his household”, do not stop them. You may be the “head of the household” but you have no right to make your children follow your example. Set them a good example and if they like the way of life you have shown them, they will join you once they are older…they don’t become “godless” if they choose to not to live like you. I hope your daughters can become whatever they want rather than worry about gender roles and saddening her parents.

    Like

    1. Hello Feminist, Thank you for writing. It is a rare instance indeed when I receive a comment from a feminist that is not outraged or insulting, and which actually reflects a fair amount of thought on this subject. You are welcome to share your thoughts, although I don’t do long debates on this website. It is truly fair to investigate seriously why people believe what they believe. However, I still ask you to lose some of your preconceptions.

      To reply to a few of your points, I’d like to start by reminding you that your own worldview is shaped by your own religion. That religion likely comes from trust in mankind, rather than trust in God. Trust in what you read in books, despite their many errors. Trust in other authorities such as left-wing teachers and so-called experts in a field. Trust in dubious fields of learning such as psychology and sociology. Attitudes shaped by peers, and by secular entertainment, music, and literature.

      Those things inform you about what is true. About what is good. They even inform you on how to interpret the evidence, when you examine a question. While not devoid of any factual truth, you are placing your trust in the wrong thing. If you make man the ultimate source of truth, and trust others who do the same, you are worshiping the wrong person, and you treat man like a god. Totally besides the fact that this is wrong, it shows that your attitudes are shaped by a faith. Just please recognize that. You have a faith too.

      I do not belong to an “Abrahamic religion.” I am a Christian. I have no fellowship with traditional Jews, who have missed the entire point of their religion, and whose authority really is NOT the Torah and the prophets, but the Talmud, alongside Jewish mysticism (itself a different religion). Muslims have followed a false prophet, who grossly contradicts the doctrines of the Bible. He had heard some biblical stories, so inherited some positive practices from Scripture, but he obviously didn’t really have a Bible, and did not know what it taught. His references even to historical elements of Scripture are jumbled. The fact that they honor a common patriarch, does not provide much similarity. They are false. God’s revelation for man is in the Bible.

      It is not merely a certain few religions that recognize the fact of gender roles. It is nearly universal in history. Nor is it uniquely because some jobs are labor intensive, and women are not as physically strong. There were countless less intensive jobs in history, but men still did them, because they knew it was their role, both to provide for the home and to lead society. A higher infant mortality is not what encouraged women to care for the home. If anything, assuming egalitarianism, it ought to have scared them OUT of the home. Women cared for the home, and many still do, because of its rooting in divine truth, and in woman’s nature — being specially designed to bear and nurture children, and having the emotional makeup better suited for the role of homemaker. You are trying to desperately read back into history what you want to see there, but you are willfully ignoring the parts you do not wish to see.

      If women were equally suited for the same jobs as men, society would not need to push them to do those jobs, and go out of their way to get women into certain fields. They would not need to forcefully create certain women’s sports when there is actually little interest in them. They would not need to discriminate in favor of women for schools and for jobs. They would not need to silence anyone who spoke about women’s abilities critically. They would not need to keep women on contraception for many years, attacking their nature in order to get them to imitate men. They would not need to lower standards for women, so they could feel equal when they are not. Clearly, you can see the difference between genders today, as nature has not changed and we are very different. Those differences are just as relevant today as they were thousands of years ago.

      You do recognize one thing at least — there IS a biological rooting for gender roles. Remember that. That ties into the even weightier point that there is a divine rooting for gender roles. Women are subject to their husbands, and are best working in the home, due to their nature, and not mere religious doctrine. Just as man is best suited for his role as leader, protector, and provider. We are designed differently. We have different sets of strengths and weaknesses. That’s why we are most fulfilled in taking on the roles God gives us. It is why men feel shame to be weak before a woman and be told what to do, and why women feel exhilarated to feel their man’s strength. That’s not mere culture. It is in our mind, hearts, and spirits, and has rightly shaped culture over the ages.

      That’s why it is not only Christians, or as you categorize them “Abrahamic religions,” that recognize gender roles. The man is recognized as head of the home by nearly any traditional Hindu as well. He is recognized as head of the home in Asia, and in pantheistic, or shamanistic religions. One has to look far and wide to find an exception to these things. They are as close to universal as anything gets.

      That’s why when feminism came along, it was rightfully seen as absurd and preposterous. Why should two people who are greatly different, and who have different roles, be treated just the same. That really makes no sense. You don’t treat two different kinds of machines the same. Why should you treat two very different kinds of people, with two different aims in life the same? One has to simply insist on feminism as a dogma. It has no rooting in Scripture, in nature, or in thousands of years of human culture, unless you want to look for the rare exception. The woman’s role is in the home, and she is subject to her husband’s authority. The man is clearly built for strength, aggression, and a clear hold on the truth. The woman is built for something different. You allege it is silly that a wife is under her husbands’ authority. But it is rather natural, and so suitable it works beautifully well in marriage.

      Your claim that you “know people” who have egalitarian relationships and who make it work should not convince anyone. It doesn’t convince me. You can find people who marry small children and also “make it work.” The influx of feminism has shown it does NOT work. It came along with a tidal wave of divorce, with men and women who no longer want to marry, with single parent homes, with greater sexual immorality and abortion, with men robbed of their money and their children, with a grand uptick in witchcraft, with gross immodesty, with far more crime committed by women, with far more domestic violence committed by women, and the children of all these broken homes being subject to much more danger. So your nice stories don’t change any of that. Egalitarianism and a near 50% divorce rate go hand in hand. Feminism is against God, and it is proven harmful to the family. It tries to make the woman like the man, whom she is not. Nor does it even aim for true equality, as women are given favor over men in many arenas, including schools, jobs, and family court. That’s not equality. It is domination.

      Women are happiest, safest, and more likely to be moral when they are led in marriage by a good man. That is what women need. If spanking helps him lead her, he may. If he doesn’t need it, that’s fine too. But the man’s leadership, protection, love, and moral leading serve not only men, but women, children, and all society. Feminism has already shown its wicked fruit long ago.

      If you can see that there is a biological rooting for gender roles, you should not miss the fact that our Creator gave us our biologies in the first place. That’s why He also gives us the way to use our bodies and to live. The same God who designed us differently also assigned us different roles. He created a family and civil order that suits our design. That is a reasonable faith. Doctrine and nature work together.

      In contrast, feminism, and much of what I hear from other modern ideologies, are not natural. They are arbitrary. They insist on their dogmas, not because of our design, but DESPITE our design. This is an irrational thing to believe. You’d never let someone tell you to use an important tool in the wrong way, knowing it was not designed to do that, so you should never let someone tell you to ignore human design only to insist we do things against our design. This is true not only with feminism, but obviously also with the modern hyper-fascination with immorality. It must ignore natural law, ignore the harm done by immorality, only to repeat over and over that we are “free” to do what we want, and anyone who says immorality is sinful is a mean [fill in the blank].

      Modernism has created doctrines based on personal desire (no matter how perverse) while ignoring the actual evidence, and the facts of our design. For the Christian, these things all go together. God’s commandments suit human nature and society. We see over and over how they benefit us. We see over and over how going against them causes harm, often very quickly and drastically. You need look no further than the West’s pitfall into godlessness and immorality to see countless lives shattered and countless lives ended just by breaking the law of God. I say then, that trust in God is a reasonable person to trust in. Trust in the desires of man’s heart (in the name of freedom) is totally unreasonable, both in theory and in practice.

      Materialism, finally, is also lacking in a basis for truth and a basis for goodness. You find it commendable that my marriage relationship comes with consent. However, apart from God and the moral law, there is nothing commendable about it. If man is the ultimate source of good and of morality, it might just as well be commendable that one kidnaps women from the street at the point of a knife — and THEN spanks them. Man’s heart can imagine nearly any evil and desire it. Cultures as well have had an enormous variety of practices, including nearly normalized rape. The heart of man cannot establish that it is commendable to have consent in a spanking. It requires God and the moral law to establish that. Now God placed that law on your heart, so you are not devoid of any conscience, of course. You know there is a good. However, in order to do that, you have to agree with a universe ruled by God, and not one ruled only by the desires of man’s heart. If you assent to God’s rule through acting on your conscience, you should assent to it further, in worshiping and obeying God. Cease making man your rule and guide. Worship God. Without Him there is no goodness, truth, or salvation.

      If you’d like to discuss any of these subjects further, you can write me at the e-mail in the footer and the contact page.

      Take care.

      Like

  9. Everything can be interpreted in your own way .. “Husbands love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her”, i.e. he was beaten – you see how easily I can turn it into an argument for wives who regularly beat their husbands

    Like

    1. Katie, No, “everything” is not being interpreted in my own way. The Scripture is being read fairly and accurately in context. You are simply frustrated because there is nothing in Scripture that prohibits wife spanking, or logically rejects it.

      Love and chastisement go hand in hand throughout the Bible, including in the New Testament. So you really cannot claim loving a wife means never chastising her for doing wrong. That would in fact be in conflict with everything the Bible teaches about love.

      I don’t believe I have ever used the passage you mention in explaining marital discipline. Jesus was not scourged for His sins, because He was perfect. He was punished for OUR sins, which only goes to show God is both a God of love and also punishes.

      More relevant though, is that Christ punishes the Church. The New Testament teaches that God punishes His beloved people as a father chastises his son. It goes so far to say if you have not received scourging from the Lord, perhaps you are NOT His son. Revelation teaches that whom Jesus LOVES He rebukes and chastens. That is the Church, the Bride of Christ, whom the woman in marriage represents. Christ scourges His beloved.

      This is only continuing how God chastises His people in the Old Covenant, comparing Israel to a wife, yet also punishing her. He punishes her for her own good, and promises that it is only for the time being, and then she will be restored with great mercy.

      Moreover, the Bible teaches that love and discipline go hand in hand with children as well. If we spare the rod we HATE our children. That means discipline is an outworking of love. Discipline is what love does because we care about protecting the person from their evil, and also protecting those around us from it. Spanking is a good and protective act, including in marriage, and is an expression of love.

      I cover these points and more in my article on Christian objections to wife spanking right here: https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2020/07/18/jesus-sat-spanking-is-bad-mkay-part-2-of-2/

      Like

  10. Other than going to church, is there any way I can find myself a traditional man? I’m at a huge roadblock with this and am struggling.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hello Brooke, Thanks for your question. Church is a very good place to find a traditional man, although there are plenty of liberals in churches as well. Many people use websites also, which has its drawbacks, but you can still meet a good spouse that way. Sometimes we meet our partner through a friend who introduces us. What do you find is the difficulty?

      Some women do live in a very liberal area, and if that’s the case, then looking long distance might help, or move if you have to. It’s worth moving for a godly man. Some men go overseas to find traditional women, since the West is so feminized. It’s sad, and makes me ashamed of my own people, but if it’s necessary so be it.

      As I’ve mentioned before, you are welcome to leave a comment on my website looking for a good traditional man, and you can leave your contacts as well. I added the post Your Place for Singles to help out not just in finding a traditional mate, but in finding one that will use discipline:

      https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2021/04/01/your-place-for-singles/

      I hope that helps. Bless you.

      Like

      1. Thank you for the reply! What I find difficult is finding someone who isn’t entirely liberal. I do live in a liberal State and am working very hard to get a job to move to an apartment and have a car to travel. At the moment I still live with my parents and am still in college.

        What I have a problem with is probably searching online. I don’t have a dating profile or any social media accounts. I’ve tried meeting guys irl like at the gym for example, but I’m finding that guys don’t approach women like they used to; even if I do give off clear signs.

        And yes I have checked out that post! And have even reached out to a few people who have commented, but sadly, I received no replies.

        Any help or further suggestions or guidance would be appreciated! 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Great. I think you’ve got the right attitudes and view towards marriage. It sounds like you can really bless the man who marries you.

        If I didn’t mention before, I do have a few articles on introducing discipline in a marriage, with one focused on the female perspective: Asking Your Man to Spank You.

        I grew up very shy. Tell you the truth, I would have been nervous to approach a woman even if she was giving off the signs. While it is normal for a man to lead, don’t be afraid to be more direct and start up a conversation.

        Bless you.

        Like

  11. Fantastic website. Have you ever thought of perhaps implementing a personals section for like-minded people to meet? I have been searching for this type of relationship and unfortunately all of the sites that classify as “personal ads” are mostly for BDSM.

    Like

    1. Thank you Joe. That’s a good idea and you are not the first person to suggest this. While I don’t have the resources to have an actual singles section, I let people post in the comments if they are interested, and put their contacts there for meeting someone. In the coming few weeks I will do an article just on this subject, and will invite singles to comment below. But you can comment anywhere if you’d like.

      Like

      1. That’s great to hear! And until that post, I’ll leave my details here if that’s ok. I’m 41 and live in California. Firm believer in DD, have been my entire life. Looking for someone in the range of 30-45 but open to anyone/anywhere- I’ve found that DD is more important than location and age! If anyone would like to chat I use the email looking4DD@mail.com. Looking forward to it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hello Aron,

        Is this a WordPress website? I think it is… They have plenty of free plugins for advertising. Just search for it! And there are also many other services available on the www. Often for free or for a small fee. Another way to make it possible for your readers is by creating a Tumblr page, where people can post, be it moderated or not. A man in my country (Netherlands) does this for people into spanking. Being able to place ads is something I’d really appreciate. Thank you for considering it!

        Like

  12. Is it possible to add a “Recent Comments” box to the homepage? This would enable readers to keep up to date with each others’ insights.

    Like

      1. My husband threw out all my pants and said he was the man,when I became angry when he replaced them with dresses,he pulled my sweats down and spanked me bare bottomed in front of his brother,and threw out my sweats as well,i was humilated should I obey him or not confused

        Like

      2. Hello Bobbi, Of course you need to obey him, since he is your husband. He is looking out for your good by making sure you wear feminine clothing. Women and men should not dress like each other. However, a spanking is just between husband and wife, and no one else should be involved. It would be good to discuss that with him gently and with respect.

        Liked by 2 people

  13. My husband and I are just starting this needed journey. I served a dom for twenty years before I met my husband and need this security with my husband. I know he is not a forceful man but very manly. We are in the process of setting rules and starting maintenance. I am so anxious to have this with him. I know I will feel more love when he sets the rules and follow through with much needed spankings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Congratulations on beginning your journey with your husband. I believe it will bring peace and fulfillment in your home. It does not require being a forceful man per se, but only being firm, and responsible as a leader. I hope he learns to lead you very well.

      Like

  14. I think I’ve wanted this type of marriage for a while. There are times that I know I’ve disrespected my husband not on purpose but it happens. Their are times we fight about it. Overall we are very close and connected. I just feel like this would help me grow as his wife and submit more. I grew up with seeing my Mom be the head of the household so I’ve learned some bad habits. I want to grow and take my role to another level and I do try and catch myself. The problem is how to introduce this concept to my husband without him thinking I’m crazy. Or turning him off. Thoughts how to approach this way of living to my husband?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hello Honey, Thanks for visiting my discipline site. A lot of women are in a similar situation; feeling they need or want spanking to help learn submission, or to stop bad habits. There are ways to bring it up that would be helpful, but all will require some courage on your part.

      It can take time for a man to wrap his head around the idea, but I usually recommend starting with a good understanding of headship and submission, and THEN seeing how spanking fits in with correction. He may need to start with simply taking the command he really has, and setting some limits on your behavior.

      You can share your need to be spanked, or bring up the subject in an instance when you have behaved badly and he knows it. You can let him know you feel you should be punished for your behavior. Look for good material to show him too. Something that will help explain the subject, but won’t be too extreme or oddball. There’s a lot of bad stuff out there.

      I do have an article that deals with the wife introducing discipline here: https://spankingyourwife.wordpress.com/2020/05/16/asking-your-man-to-spank-you/

      You are also free to write me at my contact below or on the About page. I’d be happy to discuss it with your husband if he is willing.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. My husband and I were both seeking a traditional head of household type relationship when we were first dating/married. Now we are a couple years in and pretty quickly I lost respect for him because he doesn’t have any rules and definitely no punishment. I have again and again begged him to spank me but he doesn’t consistently do it. After reading your blog I talked to him about it again. It makes me lose respect when it feels like he’s not being consistent. This is a huge turn off for me and I have almost no sexual attraction if he won’t be the man of our house and keep me in my place. Any tips for me?

    Like

    1. Hello Rosa, Thanks for visiting and for sharing your situation. A lot of women are in a similar situation, wanting leadership and discipline, but finding their husbands don’t desire to. Be patient. It can take a while for a man to really wrap his head around the idea of clearly leading and disciplining his wife.

      As I always emphasize, the most important is for him to practice leadership in the home. Let applying discipline come second and later. His headship comes first. It is good for him to see the importance of leadership as well, and understand how it helps, not just in your behavior, but in setting good, productive rules in the home, as well as ethical standards.

      Also realize, even though you feel you lose respect for him, it is your job to respect your husband. That’s a job to do and not a feeling. Start training yourself in showing respect to him, showing him honor, and being obedient. It is furthermore your duty to share intimacy, even if you think his lack of leadership makes him less attractive. Do your job fully as a wife no matter what.

      If you’d like to contact me, I’d be happy to talk at more length. Just get me at my e-mail or the contact form. I think there are readers here who have gone through similar things who can give some advice too. God be with you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hello Jmcb, Authority comes with the position of husband. He doesn’t need to lead exceptionally well to have it. His wife needs to obey him, whether she perceives he’s “earned it” or not. He earned his authority when they decided to get married, and when he became her husband. From then on, she knows she needs to respect and obey him.

        It naturally helps if he does show real integrity and consistent leadership. He should not be weak, unclear, angry, or too severe. He needs to lead consistently and firmly with love. A man who shows unclear leadership, or who is unstable, can confuse his wife in how to follow him. His leadership helps her in her submission.

        Liked by 2 people

  16. Sir,
    I am a submissive wife for 25 yrs now, but my husband has only disciplined me once and it was because I sassed him. He took me across his knee and spanked me with my panties down. It did not last long like you say it needs to be done. But, he did get his point across, now he just looks at me if I start to get out of sorts with him. I feel their have been many times when I deserved to be put across his lap, I don’t know why he hasn’t disciplined me in over 23yrs. Does he not love me anymore? He has stopped having anything to do with me romantically for 10 yrs now, he won’t go to the doctor either. He doesn’t hold me or kiss me either except to say goodnight. I am starting to feel very insecure. Can you tell me what I should do without disrespecting my husband?

    Liked by 5 people

  17. I do accept as true with all of the concepts you have presented
    in your post. They are very convincing and will definitely work.
    Still, the posts are too short for beginners. May just you please extend them a bit from next time?
    Thank you for the post.

    Like

    1. Thanks for visiting my site. I hope you find the articles helpful. As far as article length, I may have a few longer ones coming up. Some articles I like to keep short just because I don’t think it’s always necessary to get into all the details, and also because so much comes down to personal decision of how to practice wife spanking. There are not many hard and fast rules. I will think about if I need more added detail in the future though.

      Like

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